Issues and Devo Collector's Album
I know I promised an entry on Xena warrior princess, but I think that's going to have to wait for a while.
Instead, in lieu of the fact that my girlfriend told me she wanted a 'break' of indefinite time and so on... I pronounce to you...THE TOP TEN REASONS I AM A WORTHLESS HUMAN BEING!!!!!
*cue devo music--how about 'we're through being cool'(irony is funny)
10. I am emotionally incapable of dealing with a fruit-cup, let alone a human being.
9. I spend more time playing roleplaying games than I do talking to people in the 'real world.' (BUT! I am not talking about video games, people that play final fantasy all day suck donkeys for quarters)
8. I like art history...no no... you don't understand... I LIKE it.
7. I think Devo was the best thing that happened in my lifetime, period. They may not be good musicians, but they are veritable geniuses in dorkiness.
6. My idea of 'partying' is rolling up some new npc's(no this isn't some buzzword for the 'ganja'....you fuck)
5. Hackeysack is how I get my exercise
4. I am captain killjoy of the bringdown brigade
3. I made a top ten about how much I suck....man I must really suck
2. I have a personal webpage to boost my ego... A PERSONAL WEBPAGE, WELCOME TO EIGHTH GRADE DUDES
1. I maintain an ascetic lifestyle and outlook on life when everyone in the whole frikkin world likes to have fun and 'enjoy living.'
On another note, I've decided that I should create a movie on the premise of a paper packaging plant (a place of pure excitement), which is fighting over land with native americans in maine. The main character will have no connection to either of these factions, but instead will be an inner city charity doctor with a weasel tied to his head. His wife will hate him because he is devoted to spending time in low income housing rather than in 'her' low income housing. He will get called for SOME REASON to go to maine. This will be so ambiguous that you could well justify he needs to go there to deliver 'the one ring to mount doom' The airplane ride will take up a full ten minutes of hte film, destroying all hope in the viewer of any sort of good narrative or moviemaking. By the end of the plane ride, the man's wife will have fallen asleep, along with most of the audience. I will then excite them with a chainsaw fight. That's right, a chainsaw fight. Some indian guy and a lumberjack will duke it out with chainsaws. Then I will excite the viewer with five minutes of FISHING.
Anyways to make a long story short, I'll wow the viewer with lots of shots of the inside of hte paper processing plant, then I'll throw in some scenes of a giant radioactive bear killing shit.
Then I will call this movie PROPHECY and it will be the greatest thing of all time. Keep in mind that the title has nothing to do with the film other than it happens to be on the box.
Subsume and Lick!
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Reader Comments (4)
I have a friend who talked about the girls she is friends with who do stupid things in relationships... I would like to post her rant here because I find it fitting...
"if I hear one more girl respond to my rants about how boys treat them with " i know but i love him " i just might punch her. they are the reason i hated women for so long. because they're weak and fucking STUPID and they seem to think that being in love is more important than their mental health. maybe i'm just some hardcore grudge holding unbending bitch.. or maybe i am what every woman is supposed to be. who fuckin cares how long you dated him, who fucking cares if you had sex and he took your virginity, SEX DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE, SEX DOES NOT EQUAL RESPECT, GIVING SOMEONE YOUR BODY DOES NOT GUARANTEE LOYALTY OR THEY'RE PRESENCE IN YOUR LIFE, i hate women right now. i love myself. i'm extremely aggravated with most of the girls i know. for 3 weeks out of a month 1 girl "hates" [him] hopes he would die, can't stand the way he treats her, he's so mean to her, he makes her cry "wah wah wah wah" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE HIM THEN. but will she? no. why? "but i love him" GO FUCK YOURSELF and dont ever complain to me again. LOVE IS NOT COMPROMISING YOUR SELF-RESPECT, LOVE IS NOT COMPROMISING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, LOVE IS WHEN SOMEONE RESPECTS YOU AND STRENGTHENS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.
and the other girl, argues with her boyfriend every 3 or 6 hours and he says things like "you're disgusting" "you're fat" "you're holding me back from living my dreams" and she cries and she freaks out and she does everything for him, cooks, cleans, does his laundry and I say "STOP BEING HIS FUCKING MOTHER, STOP DOING EVERYTHING FOR HIM, STICK UP FOR YOURSELF" and she says "it's my fault he got mad anyway" and I say "no he's a fucking scumbag that has no respect for you and is miserable with his life so he takes it out on you for being happy" and she says "he isnt that bad, we had a good day" and i say , A GOOD DAY DOESNT MAKE UP FOR A BAD 2 YEARS, and she says "i know, but i love him" and they're getting married and she wants me to be happy for her. so i fake it and oo and aaaw over the dress but i know i'll have to bury her in it as well. and i want to strangle him and the other one.
and the third one. was with him for 3 years. the last year all he did was shove her around and call her names and kick her out of his house 2 times a day and make her cry and choose his friends over her and let them be mean to her as well. he cheated on her. he treated her like a piece of shit. and he dumped her just before christmas. and goes out and gets a new girlfriend. and what does she do? she still talks to him, still sleeps with him. and then wonders why he doesnt talk to her anymore. and i'm like. BECAUSE YOU ALREADY GAVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS FROM YOU. YOUR FREE WILL AND YOUR BODY. she cant do anything without being afraid one of his friends will see her and go and tell him. and then he'll call and bitch her out. GUESS WHAT HE SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER YOU. AND HE'S THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. and there is no reason to even worry about him because he's not worrying about you. and if i could i would punch both of you in the mouths for being fucking morons.
I wish I could slap every woman who ever compromised herself for the sake of a man.
I wish I could slap every woman who ever changed her ideas, or her future for the sake of a man.
I wish I could slap every woman who ever gave something up that was important to her, for the sake of a man.
But I think i'd have to slap every woman in america. because this is a patriarchal society, and everything around us, is designed, built, and maintained by men.
no i am not going to start burning my bras, my boobs are just too big for that. and i am not going to shave my head and wear flannel shirts. but i AM NEVER GOING TO BE A WEAK WOMAN. they disgust me."
there you have it, I agree with her, but think it fits guys as well a girls
gg
Keith, I have a suggestion for your film:
Perhaps we could throw in some sort of 'chase' scene, through maybe a campground with a cabin? The bad guy could be running from a group of good guys, and out-with the lot of them by smartly running through the front door of a cabin and jumping out the back window. At this point the good guys would be utterly confused, and go back to being killed by radioactive bears. And also, the bad guy dies too.
?
Devo fucking rocks.