It's that time of year...yep end of semester.  And we all know what that means....It's time relive all the hilariously melancholy aspects of my life that force me to cry in dark holes until break is over and I re-emerge ready to get punched in the groin for a few more months...  So let's spin the wheel of emo shall we???

First, I'm sue you're all dying to know what happened between me and my friend that I had the uber crush on.  Well the crush came to fruition...in that she crushed my heart into a fine pulp and spoonfed it back to me while I was still gasping for air and going into shock.  Basically after telling me that we should stay friends, which really I'm totally fine with, I continued to pry like a jackass--as is my way.  Essentially the deal was, she was going through alot of issues, and although she liked being with me, it wasn't the right time or place (I also assume that I'm definitely the wrong person--but you know how girls like to let you down easy)  So all was well and good I suppose.  I was disappointed of course, after all, I totally poured my heart out to her and I would really really absolutely love to get closer to her.  But whatever, such is my constant position in life--to be the perpetual good friend to every--single--woman I know.  That wouldn't be such a bad thing if I had like 4 or so female friends.  No I have like 10-12.  This only serving to be another nail in the 'gay coffin' as I see it.  So we'll see, I'll sleep with a few men over break and perhaps it will all work out.  Far more likely I'll pine over this girl like a fucking asshole for a while and feel sorry for myself.

What makes the whole business worse is that I'm totally wanting to go back to our good friendship, and I try to be all friendly and happy and I don't act weird or anything.  She just ignores me of late, and when we do see eachother its this weird fucking awkwardness that feels like I just ate her puppy and she walked in on me and her great aunt petunia doing it in the bathroom.  Like seriously, I got rejected and I'm ok about it, I just want things back to normal.  Sure, I thought that I might be falling in love or what have you, but I can suck it up and deal, I'm pretty damn good at it.  So this shit is like the icing on the cake and I don't know how to handle it because if I confront her things will just get weirder, and if I don't she's just going to keep up this awkward half-assed friendly politeness that makes me feel like a real cock smuggler.  All I'm looking for is just a reasonable facsimile of the way things were before I started to advance upon her at full tilt. 

SO--THERE"S DEALIE NUMBER ONE!

Dealie #2 has alot to do with just general shit.  Lately I've just been feeling the year is passing me by, and that I'm totally unprepared for life (which is totally true oh god).  Yeah sure it's because I'm immature and I'd rather write stories and watch cartoons then get a job or cut my hair.  So my solution?!!?  That's right suicide!  Pfft yeah right, like I'd take the sucker's way out.  No no, the solution is probably going to involve fruitcake and alot of visitings.  I've resolved that sometime this season I've got to let all my friends know how much I care and blah blah EMO BULLSHIT.  As I get older I realize that I don't really care about the rest of my life as long as I'm with the people I care about...so when I'm homeless please let me come sleep on your couch...I love you...