So here's how it went down, I won't embellish the experience at all, but I will make sure that none of you are bored.

Katy shows up in my house, being generally suspect.  I'm currently occupying the bathroom, as I have had a continuous battle to the death with the great hall's flank steak for the last four hours.  Granted, it was a messy battle, but I'm happy to pronounce that I triumphed.  So upon exiting the steamy bowels, I spy Katy peering into my room (probably trying to catch me naked, I mean jesus who wouldn't......don't answer that)  So I tap her in the shoulder and ram a collander into her crotch.  Well not so much a collander as a friendly hello.....into her crotch.  So she alerts me of a party going on at her friend Casey's house, and that we should be attending, as I was informally invited.  Donning the best of my party gear, which consisted of an orange gas station worker's shirt and a plaid jacket that would make even the greatest used car salesman eat his own dandruff in envy, I set out with Katy to the house.  Upon arriving I immediately knew this was not going to be my scene, no one had spiked hair.....and no one was crying....two sure signs that there aren't any of my people about.  Doing my best to blend in by pretending to be a lamp or a festive totem pole, I awkwardly stand in the corner hoping I can make it through the night without peeing myself or falling on the floor...  These dreams of triumph would surely be short lived.  Luckily, there are a few people there that I know, Mariana (I don't know if that's spelled right), Davide (not that one either), Jackee(god knows) and of course Katy, whom I had hoped would be my bodyguard against coolness intrusion for the evening.  This was all well and good, because although I do not know these three, they are good company, and for some reason have not picked up on the fact that I am a social barnacle on the boat of life.  So the sketchiness begins, as I gyrate like a drunken caribou amongst bodies who can seemingly move in time with the music eight thousand times better than I can.  So what? you say, so what you can't dance, you have friends there.  That's true, friends lessen the tension.  BUT I CAN"T STRESS THIS ENOUGH.  SMALL ROBOTS MADE OF TIN FOIL AND MONKEY URINE CAN DANCE BETTER THAN ME.  I WOULD HAVE TO BE COACHED FOR AT LEAST 200+ HOURS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE "BACKBEAT" IS.  As if this weren't enough, a particularly sauced mammallian gentleman comes over and grabs me, says 'let's dance' and puts me in front of four girls I don't know.  See, here again you say 'how could this be bad'  I"M A NERD YOU IDIOT.....And sure we've talked about this, I have tons of female friends....but that's just it....they're friends!  THEY ARE NOT POTENTIAL MATES OR WHAT HAVE YOU....I DON"T KNOW THESE PEOPLE, THEY WILL STEAL MY COCKTHUNDER(not to be confused with cock-thunderor....which is a nickname of mine I earned at space camp....ok so I've never been to space camp and I took that joke to far....let's just put this all behind us and get back to the story)

So I get immediately staggeringly uncomfortable with the whole situation, wanting to just go home and hide under my bed until all of this blows over.  I wander away, seeking Katy for refuge, and briefly find her.  Everything's cool, and I return to a different part of the floor to return to my hideously awful dancing.  This is when the trouble starts...which is cause for another interlude in this little tale...

The trouble's name is Xena.  No not the warrior princess....but sort of....well in a weird sort of way...yes precisely, the warrior fucking princess.  And it's my fault really, because you know what?  Xena is fucking cool, pretty goddamn cool, at least from what I've been able to pick up.  Here's the dilemma.  Two years ago, or maybe just one I don't remember, I hit Xena in the head with a hackysack.  I remember the day as if it was yesterday...  I was hackysacking with friends out on the patio, the day was warm, not groin grabbingly warm, but warm enough so the sweet slickness of your sweat slides down the crease in your ass and nuzzles itself lovingly against your scrotum.  Nate was showing me up as usual for at this point in time he was better than me (ahh how the tables have turned), so I decided to teach him a lesson I was going to wail one right at his groin.  My aim was off.  Xena sat minding her own business, talking with Jackee and another young lady.  My sack was right on target, hitting her square in the side of the head, sending her hair into disarry and her french fries scattered on the patio like so many urine soaked tampons.  Her look, was that of death.  I had been permanently disgraced.  At first I thought she was undressing me with her eyes, and then I realized, she was undressing me with her eyes.....with razors.  From that moment forward I truly and totally believed that Xena totally and completely hated me.  I was a reviled dirty bum(which as we know is not that far from the truth) and so I avoided her like the plague--while continuously telling the tale of my narrow escape, a story told down by nerd from generation to generation.

In the recent past Xena and I had been civil, as I began to hang out at Katy's more often, and Jackee and Xena had been close friends for most of college.  It was only natural that eventually we would run into eachother.  We never spoke of the 'incident' though it pained me every time she shot an icy glance my way.  But at the very least, I was sure that she wasn't going to take the opportunity to stab me in the chest should such a chance present itself.  In fact, at this party, Xena was being downright nice to me.  My heart grew three sizes that day.

So all is well right?  Old emnities have fallen away and perhaps the buds of friendship are coming in.(Can you tell I'm trying to make this poetic?  If it gets too lame try and imagine making me eat donkey feces, you'll feel better, and frankly, so will I)  So I loosen up a bit.  Apparently, this must be the signal for women to 'make keith uncomfortable.'  And I get slight words of encouragement from both Jackee and Xena.  This is when the genes kick in and my formal training somehow keeps me alive.

I freak out.

No joke, I think it was the sight of both Jackee and Xena (whom, it should be stated, are both very attractive) as well as others dancing in my viscinity that kicked in the traditional nerd reaction of AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH GGGGGIIIIIRRRRRRRLLLLSSSSS!!!!!  So the hormones kicked in and my heart fluttered like a diabetic hummingbird.  It was fight or flight, I had no where to go.  The mosh instinct overtook me and I thought of just windmilling through the crowd.  Luckily, the overload was too much and I fled instead.  Thanking Casey and Xena (whom I found out also lives in the house) for the evening, short though it was, I attempted to leave.  I was met with still more kindness, and an invitation to come back later in the year and fully party...when my booty shakin and so on had been brought up to speed (I'd say between 4-6th level).  This took me over the edge.  I was not used to this environment. 

I ran home.  Crying.  No actually I didn't cry but wouldn't that have been badass?  It would have been like a shitty episode of my so called life, only this time the main character would have a penis...  Oh and I'd be there too.

goodnight.