It's a difficult process really.  I'm sure everyone experiences it sometime in their lives.  No no I'm not talking about stashing a body inside a beached whale, I'm talking about the familiarity stage.  I was talking to my friend Caralyn the other day, and we had a conversation on my humorous (although often extremely offensive) social skills.  Now there was no doubt that I do reasonably well with people...at first.  You know how you kind of have to be polite to people when you first meet them because you don't want them to beat you up or you have some sort of need to feel like they're attracted to you or you just hope that once, just once people might call you sir without having to add 'you're making a scene.'  Well, I've been doing that less and less lately.  That is not to say that instead of shaking hands I sniff the person in question's crotch or just hit them on the back with a folding chair.  No, I'm just friendly, seemingly, as Caralyn explained, sometimes over-friendly.  This gives people the wrong idea.  I try to be a buddy, though for some reason, this seems to make people think I want to get them pregnant (which I do, but that's part of a secret endeavor to implant an alien fetus into their chest cavity.......more on that later)  So this familiarity will lead to jokes being made, crude things being said, and just general tom-foolery.  After all, I try to get to the friend stage fast, hopefully so fast that my target never really realizes it and by the end of the week I'm stopping by with movies and funny stories to tell while they're still asking 'who are you and what are you doing in my bathroom?!?!?'  Is there something wrong with this?  I'm such a sucker for people on some level that I just constantly seek out company in order to make the time pass, because we all know that the kitchen knives get even closer when you're alone.  (<---holy shit that's emo, somebody get me a black sweatshirt and some kleenexs)  And what's wrong with hugs?  People nowadays grow increasingly uncomfortable with the hug.  Now, granted, more times than not I'll leave you with a smell that will take a few days to forget, and your wallet might be missing a few bills, but we've all got to eat right? 

Which brings me to another point.  I AM NOT AS DIRTY AS YOU THINK.  Now, granted, all of my pairs of pants have writing, or paint splotches, or are torn, or have patches or what have you.  SINCE WHEN DOES THIS MAKE THEM DIRTY--THEY GET WASHED(ok admittedly, sometimes I just put them in the washing machine with straight water and no detergent......but that stuff is expensive and alot of it has been tested on animals)  AND ANOTHER THING.  I SHOWER EVERY DAY.  SURE MY HAIR LOOKS CRUSTY...BUT THAT"S JUST THE LICE, THEY LIKE THE RUSTIC QUALITY.  I PROBABLY SHOWER MORE THAN MOST GUYS ON CAMPUS, BUT NO....JOHNNY I WEAR TOMMY HILFIGGER COLOGNE AND SPEND HOURS FIXING MY HAIR WITH WHALE CUM AND USE A RAG TO WIPE OFF MY ASS BEFORE I GO OUT APPARENTLY LOOKS ALOT 'CLEANER' THAN ME.  NOPE APPARENTLY I JUST HAVE THIS SIGN THAT SAYS 'DANGER--CRUSTER COMING THIS WAY' ON MY ASS THAT MAKES PEOPLE THINK I"M SOME KIND OF SWAMP MONSTER THAT HAS PHENOMENAL VERBAL SKILLS.  SO MAYBE THERE"S PACKAGING TAPE ON MY SHOES, AND MAYBE I WILL BE LIVING IN A DUMPSTER AFTER COLLEGE, BUT I"M STILL IN COLLEGE RIGHT NOW, CAN"T YOU TREAT ME WITH A LITTLE DIGNITY!?!??!

Who's up for a roofie coolata?