Hawaiian pants are the wave of the future.  I have realized that I, yes I have come up with the worst, and therefor best, trend for clothing ever created.  That's right, versacci can take his well oiled trombone and rape whales for the rest of his life, and it won't help him ever break out of his monotonous thinking.  HAWAIIAN PANTS PEOPLE, pants that you only button the bottom button on.  How is this sexy?  Are you kidding?  You'll be able to spot my man-bush at fifty paces, I could hide a veritable vietcong platoon in the enormous chasm that is the top of my pants.  A seething jungle of delights awaits those who.....

Jesus christ.  There is much to be said for the fashion industry, after all, what other industry on earth makes a living by making people feel bad about themselves, and then selling them crap that no one in their right mind would ever wrap around their bodies except to use as some kind of ogre contaceptive.  Speaking of last night, my car broke down, and some weird goth redneck helped me move it.  At first, you'd think to yourself, goth redneck?  Jigga wha?  And then quickly follow it by splashing ice cold milk onto my nipples, gently thwacking them with duck feathers until.....  NO really this kid was in all black, seemed like a metal head, but was totally rockin the southern drawl.  I imagined him saying....  "Ya'll wanna go catch a vamp-oire flick and then go drink some beeer?"  To which I would say, only if the flick ends in date rape.

Indeed.