Today, for those of you whom are interested, I think it's time to discuss something you've probably all been wondering about.  As if you don't know already, I will state that I am a big frikkin nerd, like absolutely huge, I basically whack off to D&D, Rifts, and palladium.  Now these things are all well and good for playing with, but when it comes to having a companion with you on those lonely wintery nights, the paper tends to scrape you, and hardcover books, jesus don't get me started I still have a scab there.  So we're going to do a little documentary...

Here we see, the elusive gaming nerd, sitting at his preferred communication relay device, the dorkbox, otherwise known as, the tabletop computer.  As you can see, he stares at the screen like a smack addict, constantly waving his legs in a feeble attempt to keep his muscles from atrophying.  Judging by his tone, it seems that this particular nerd has not gotten any exercise in years.  His pants are oversized, hopefully to hide his hideously scarred genitals (herpes can do that to you, especially if you try and remove the chancres with lye and FIRE), but the smell that wafts from them obviously gives him away. 

Ok nevermind this kind of backfired, my biography is still in the works and I don't want to give it away...  7.95 with rebate!  Lately there has been this kid, we'll just call him 'Kim' who has the audacity to mock us while we kick around a sack full of beans.  C'mon now ITS A SACK FULL OF BEANS WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM US!?!??!  Do you really have to go out of your way, to make fun of kids, who spend a good portion of their day kicking this sack???  Anyways, this kid thinks it's hilarious that we hackysack to hardcore, and often screams 'I"M HACKYSACKING' in his best impersonation of a dead squirrel.  At first I might have been a little hurt, then I remembered he's just some hippy. 

OH I"M SORRY.  MY MUSIC DOESN"T HAVE TWENTY MINUTE SONGS THAT GO NOWHERE AND REQUIRE NO TALENT.  NO THERE AREN"T SIX PEOPLE PLAYING ACOUSTIC GUITAR WHILE ONE SUCKS COCK WHILE MOANING LIKE A WILDEBEAST.  NO EVERY BAND IS NOT A REHASH OF THE GRATEFUL DEAD, AND NO THEY DON"T COVER FISH SONGS, HALF OF WHICH ARE ALREADY COVERS!!!  NO I"M SORRY THERE AREN"T ANY 'BOOTLEGS'  BECAUSE PUNK BANDS AREN"T HALFASSED CAPITALISTS TRYING TO HIDE THE FACT THAT THEY NEED MONEY FOR REEFER ALL THE WHILE SAYING HOW ITS OUR FASCINATION WITH MATERIAL THINGS WHICH BRINGS US DOWN.  WEED IS A MATERIAL THING YOU FUCKING DUMB HIPPY!!!  AND ALL THAT HEMP BULLSHIT, THAT"S MATERIAL TOO.  SO THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO MAKE FUN OF ME FOR KICKING A SACK WHILE LISTENING TO HARDCORE, REMEMBER THAT YOUR LIFE IS ABOUT AS USEFUL AS A URINAL CAKE YOU FILTHY EXCUSE FOR A USED CUM-RAG.