Social awkwardness is probably my favorite thing on the planet.  It makes me so ridiculously uncomfortable I can barely handle looking at things or breathing when it happens.  I've realized, that because of extreme paranoia and other such hilarious serious emotional disorders, that I make people EXTREMELY uncomfortable.  This is usually a physical reaction, people will actually pull themselves away from me in order to remove themselves from the offensive presence that is my pock-marked face, covered in the lesions and sores of walrus herpes, an extreme form of herpes found only in magpies and myself.  The chancres are approximately two and a half feet in length and are commonly referred to as arms.  Don't let this fool you, you cannot hug your children with them.  Speaking of children, I kind of want them.  You know, I don't want to be the kind of dad that looks at them, or does stuff for them, I just want them.  It's like a status symbol, only it has the opposite effect on people my age.  If I say I have five children, no one will think I'm hip and no one will try to talk to me.  This would in fact be ideal.  I seem to attract people that like to talk.  Specifically to me.  I'm not sure why.  I'm not very interesting, I'm not particularly insightful or erudite.  I am, for all intents and purposes, some asshole.  So why was I chosen to bear the brunt of social interaction?  Because I'm the token smelly guy.  Now, the token smelly guy doesn't need to 'smell' per se, he simply needs to occupy the social space of someone who is known for their personality, simply because there is no way they can be known for their looks.  The smely guy does what you don't want to do, he broaches topics that make people initially uncomfortable, but in the long run provide for good conversation.  He takes a hit for the team, much in the way a man will take a severe iron pole beating so that his friends can run across the border with sixteen pounds of columbian bacon (that's cocaine for those of you not hip to the lingo) in their butts.  I'm tired this is stupid.