"Fuck relationships, let's shred."

Truer words were never said my friends. So things obviously went sour, and not the good sour like warheads, I mean the bad sour, like 'is this bleu cheese, no it's milk' sour. Suffice to say, without any details, Melrose place took over my life for a brief period. That's right, the cameras followed me into the bathroom, watched me go about my daily routines, which recently have consisted of apparently listening to SEIZED as loud as I can and weeping. It kinda makes you realize, that while we're all on constant search for love: amazing conversations, that fuzzy feeling when you're near someone, mindblowing sex, a deep personal connection... I've yet to find it outside of things like my State of Fear discography and Marvel Vs Capcom 2. Does this mean I'm incapable of being in a relationship with something alive? Very probably. But has shumz ever ditched me when I've needed him most? EFF NO. Chaos mutherfuckin dimension! OH I"M SORRY WAS THAT 2/3 OF YOUR HEALTHBAR UUUUHHHH OOHHHHHHHHHH. Which brings me to another important point. Nerdcon is very far away. Months even. How am I supposed to get my game on down in shitmary's county when the only people I hang out with now are in my band or whoooolllyyyy uninterested in orcs? YES I KNOW, THAT DOES MAKE ME DEBATE AS TO WHETHER THOSE FOLKS ARE PEOPLE AT ALL. OH SHIT...and last night was halloween.

No. Sorry. Halloween doesn't exist anymore. It's been replaced with a new holiday. It's called allslutsday. It's alot like allsaintsday only it involves an abnormal number of people in corsets. Has anyone else noticed this disturbing trend? HALLOWEEN USED TO BE ABOUT MURDER AND MONSTERS. THE DOUBLE MM'S. Now it's all about who can show the most cleavage and makeout with the most dudes dressed as pimps, or pimpin pirates, or pimpin business executives, or pimpin insurance salesman. The female equivalents are similar slutty farm worker, slutty taxi driver, slutty sewage treatment plant janitor. WHAT THE HELL. AS IF WE DON"T HAVE ENOUGH SLUTTY DAYS ALREADY. YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE TO AIR OUT YOUR CUNT IN THAT COOL OCTOBER AIR, TRYING TO SHAKE THE SMELL OF MR 40 SOMETHING YOU DID IN THE BACK OF A VAN THE FEW DAYS BEFORE!?!?! OR WHAT ABOUT YOU MR PIMPIN? IS YOUR PIMP CANE TO REMIND YOU THAT AT LEAST YOU HAVE ONE ROD THAT ISN"T COVERED IN SORES AND REGRETS? And funny costumes? FUNNY? Halloween is about TERROR. Now granted, nothing is more terrifying than a grown man in a carebear costume giving out candy to children, but what my grandpa does in his spare time is none of your business. Speaking of candy, we still have alot at the house, but it's mostly chocolate, and has been asserted many times, I like my candy how I like my men...fruity and hard. Soft and salty is another jurisdiction altogether, and let's face it, chocolate looks like poop. If you're gonna have some kind of anal fetish, at least go the full nine yards and eat some fucking shit, don't halfass it and eat chocolate.

sissy.